Emotional...

I have had an interesting past couple of weeks. Having Gunner has been the absolute best thing that has happened in my life without a doubt. I have been thinking how amazing it is that this little spirit has chosen me and Derek as his parents. Gunner is just a precious little guy and I feel so lucky to be his mom. I know Derek feels the same way. It is so awesome seeing Derek interact with Gunner. I am seeing a whole new side of Derek... a more gentle and sweetness... a loving father. I hope that Gunner sees how much Derek and I love him and that he will always know that we are here for him 100%.
My mom has been with us for the past 2 weeks and oh what a blessing and joy it was to have her here! Mom - know that Derek and I LOVE you SOOOOOO much and that you are truly a messenger and angel of heaven here on Earth. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love and respect you. I have never known what it is like to be a "mom" and now that I do I know all the heart ache and joy you must have felt as we were growing up and taking you on a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. I PRAY I was a good enough child that I don't have any karma headed my way!
Flood Gates...
I don't think I've ever cried so much... well in a long time! I think I was warned about the flood of emotions and hormones getting back where they belong or something like that but honestly people... no one could have prepared me for THIS. I don't seem to need a reason to cry or a purpose... or an answer as to why - it just seems to happen. I have had very strong feelings of inadequacy that I can't seem to shake. I can't really describe it other than I just feel like Gunner is my responsibility, he's depending on me and to think as a spirit held for the last days he must be a very strong and valiant angel of heaven. And now...it is up to me to make sure he is raised with faith, determination, self confidence, and all the positive attributes Derek and I could possibly have to offer... It is overwhelming to know that Derek and I are all he has and I just have this rushing of emotions.
I have also had some interesting thoughts and feelings about the whole cesarean process that I want to share...
I was as I'm sure you could tell by my earlier post - a bit worried about having the c-section; however, I don't think things were as bad as I was warned about. I may have been lucky (I know I was blessed! - Thank you Derek!!!) but so far my healing process has been very "text book". I still have pain in my abdomen but my incision has healed quite nicely and did not open or start oozing (Yuck!). I don't think I was prepared for the ( OK... SKIP DOWN TO "SAFE" IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR SOME VERY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES) vaginal bleeding. I don't know - I mean I know no one really goes around talking about "this stuff" but seriously - I guess I thought I'm not having a vaginal birth - they will "suck everything out"... no one ever said - oh no - you'll have bleeding for several WEEKS after giving birth regardless of if it's vaginal or cesarean. I mean isn't that enough to make a woman have postpartum depression all in itself?! I also think it's interesting that the doctor and anesthesiologist were so concerned with my weight. I mean yes - I'm over weight and YES I want to lose weight before we have another baby but seriously - if I don't lose weight I'm not going to NOT have another baby if that's what Derek and I feel is what we're supposed to do... or if it happens... I don't know - I'm thinking 2 years till we have another I want Gunner to have at least one sibling but we had such a hard time having him I worry that maybe we shouldn't worry about the timeline and let it happen... I don't know - I am NOT in a state of mind right now to even THINK about having another. ANYWAY... it irritated me and I think it had a little to do with my blood pressure spike before delivery - but I did NOT appreciate the anesthesiologist's mind set one bit... I mean seriously - this woman who was older and didn't seem like I was her first patient... but she acted as though she'd never worked with a plus size mom... You can't seriously tell me that I'm the ONLY or FIRST plus size person she's worked with... Needless to say I was a bit taken back by her... "bedside manner". And NO - I'm not looking for "oh, I'm sorry that happened" or sympathy in any way - just an observation.
OK.... I'm done with my rant...

******SAFE******

The emotional state of having a baby has got to be one of the things that prepares us for something later... I just can't quite put my finger on it at the moment...
It's something I'll have to ponder... I'm a pretty deep thinker on my better days so maybe it will come to me when my head clears!
For now - I just pray that as Gunner is getting over his bout with Thrush he is able to sleep a little more comfortably... and longer would be nice! I know it's been hard for him to sleep and I'm sure he can't be feeling well. I mean HOLY COW the one time I had a yeast infection I thought I was going to DIE!! I can only imagine how this little baby must be feeling... I just hope it's not nearly as painful as mine was. I read that for babies sometimes it's painful and sometimes they don't even act like they have something wrong. For the first little while Gunner wasn't crying or fussy and we weren't even sure if it was Thrush but now the poor little guy will stick his tongue out when he cries or when he's a little fussy and I know it's bothering him. I picked up meds today and he's had two doses so far and when I looked at his mouth earlier it's already looking better. I hope it helps with his sleeping and makes him feel better. Heaven knows I could sure use the sleep! I know he can too!
Christmas is coming soon and we had hopes of getting Gunner's picture taken and sending out christmas cards but it's not really been a top priority! I hope everyone will forgive us - although we've never been good at sending out Christmas cards so nothing new right?!
Well it looks like Gunner is waking from his nap - gotta go! I will definitely give him a hug and kiss for everyone! Love you all!

Gunner David Wayne Jensen

Gunner was born December 1st via cesarean at 10:01am. He was just under 9 pounds and 21" long. He is healthy and did not have any complications! I am so glad that everything went as smoothly as it did. I know my Heavenly Father was watching over both of us and I pray that he continues to protect us.

My healing process has gone text book so far. I am still a little sore but every day I am able to go longer without taking my pain meds. Last night was even the first night that as I tossed and turned in bed I didn't feel the sharp pains that I had been feeling. I know I'm still healing and I'm not able to walk for long periods of time - and by long periods of time I just mean walking in the grocery store! Again - I am SO thankful for answered prayers and that I have been able to heal with no complications thus far...

Here are some pictures of Gunner at the Hospital. I'll try and post more as soon as I get them from Jenner!

Gunner is HERE!!

We are SO very blessed to have baby Gunner in our lives. We are so in love and love every minute with him.
So I'll try to tell you the process and what happened on December 1st as Derek and I went to the hospital to have Gunner. Keep in mind... after the surgery I was apparently quite out of it so my account may not be the most accurate.

I took Friday the 30th off of work because my mom and sister Jennifer were flying in from Georgia. As soon as they got in we went shopping! It was great to have a day to spend time with them. Admittedly - I was a bit stressed about the upcoming events but we had a great day!

The morning of December 1st Derek and I woke up at 4 am and got ready to head to the hospital. My mom stayed with us that night and really wanted to go to the hospital with us but she got sick on the way out and was unable to come the day of the cesarean. As we arrived at the hospital everything went quite smoothly. We were taken right to our room and I was instructed to get into the hospital gown. As soon as I was dressed they came in and started the poking and prodding... they were trying to draw blood and put in the IV. I believe I counted when I was in the hospital and they tried 10 different places to place the IV until finally placing it in the crook of my left arm. We were supposed to go into the operating room at 7:30 but because of the delay in getting the IV in that delayed the spinal block. The anesthesiologist was concerned by the fact that the nurses were having a hard time putting in the IV and of course by that point my blood pressure had risen so that was an added concern. The anesthesiologist called in an additional anesthesiologist to assist. She was concerned that because of the complications adding an IV that we might have similar problems putting in the spinal block. She also talked to us about the possibility of being put under full anesthesia if the spinal block was unsuccessful. I was concerned about that because of course that means that Gunner would have been affected as well. During the complications and waiting time Jennifer made her way to the hospital and was able to stay with us until they took me back to the operating room. I had Derek give me a blessing right before going into the operating room so that hopefully everything would go well and we would not have to worry about me being put under.
Derek and I went into the operating room and everything went according to plan. Derek did NOT want to watch any part of the surgery which I admit - I would have been a little curious to watch but kinda glad I couldn't see because that might have freaked me out even more.
I remember as they were cutting Derek said, "Do you smell that" of course I couldn't smell anything but he could smell my burning flesh as they cauterize the skin as they cut to help with bleeding.
Shortly after we heard Gunner's first SCREAM! He sounded like a baby dinosaur! Which we laughed at seeing as we decorated his nursery with a dinosaur theme in mind! The doctor even commented and said, "wow! He is Mad!" As they shuffled him over to the area where they clean him Derek was able to stand over there and help clean and take pictures. I remember looking over and thinking he has some huge hands! I even counted his fingers making sure he only had 5 fingers! As soon as they cleaned him up and fixed me up they wheeled us back to the room where Jennifer and now Brina were waiting for us. They were shocked to see that Gunner was in my arms and they could see him right away! We took pictures and I know people were calling and I tried to talk but I was quite out of it. There were a couple of times where I was to out of it to talk.
I stayed in the hospital for 4 days. Thank you to everyone who brought Derek a meal while he stayed with me for those 4 days with basically no food other than the food that was brought to him and the few times he went to the cafeteria with my mom. Mom and Derek stayed with me most of the time and Derek was quite the trooper staying with me the entire time sleeping on the futon in the room. What a guy!
Mom stayed with Tracie and luckily the hospital was on Tracie's way to work and she dropped mom off every morning before heading on to work.
Being home has been a whole different world. My mom has been a great help and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do when she leaves. I will probably cry all day. I have come to rely on her probably a bit to heavily.
So - that's the story! We're home and just learning and getting to know our little guy. We look forward to being able to see his little personality and learn more about him. Right now we are loving our Little Piece of Heaven!

1 Week and Counting

Well... a week from today... by this time I will be holding Gunner in my arms! What an amazing feeling to know that he will finally be here.
I of course have things I'm worried about and all I can do is pray that my Father in Heaven will be watching over and keep both of us safe.  I know the recovery for a c-section is not easy and I am not looking forward to the possibility of having complications.  I know with my weight the possibilities are greater and it worries me.

I am trying to not get worked up yet it seems since I found out I'm having a c-section I have had a rush of emotions. I find I cry a lot easier and my gag reflexes are back in full swing.  I worry about Gunner. I hope that even though he will be a big baby that he will not have any complications, that he will be tall like his daddy and that he will be the best of me and the best of Derek.   If at all possible I would love for him to come on his own this week but if not at least I know Saturday at the latest. 

As you can tell I am a bit jumbled when it comes to my thoughts.  I can't seem to keep my thoughts straight.  There's a lot going on and a lot to think about...  I'm trying not to stress but it seems that's what I'm best at...

Gunner has a Birth Day!

I had my 37 week appointment today.  Gunner is still measuring to big so we went ahead and scheduled a C-section.  It was either schedule a c-section or wait to be induced at 41 weeks...assuming he didn't come on time.
After chatting with the doctor it sounded as though because of his size we might end up in an emergency C-section anyway and I just feel more comfortable knowing he will be OK and have a delivery that will hopefully be less stressful for us both.
The date is set for December 1st at 7:30 am.  We will need to be there by 5:30 apparently so it's going to be a long day. 
After leaving the hospital I called my mom and dad then when I got home looked up flights for my mom to be here when Gunner is born. 
I found a really good deal on flights and my wonderful step-dad, Jimmy-Mack, paid so my mom will be here from November 30th to December 17th! I'm so excited to have here!
Derek is planning on taking some time off of work and between mom and Derek I know I will be in good hands! I consider myself to be very lucky to have such a great support system.
..... of course there are concerns that I have but I'm prayerful Heavenly Father will watch over the both of us.

Oops!!

Apparently I haven't posted in quite a while.  Well the big news is we are pregnant!  Due next month! We are having a little boy and naming him Gunner David Wayne Jensen.  It took us quite some time to figure out a name but we are really excited about our choice.  Gunner is a name that both Derek and I agreed upon from a list of what seemed like hundreds of names.  David is Derek's middle name, Wayne is my dad's middle name and we couldn't choose between the two and really liked the way they sound together so... yes he will have two middle names!
So far my doctor visits measure him as a really big baby but I tested negative for gestational diabetes.  So far its been a pretty normal pregnancy. 
Things I've noticed...
1. I have been able to feel movement pretty much in the normal weeks. I guess considering my weight there was some question regarding being able to feel movement... no problem.
2. Derek has been able to feel movement although Gunner seems to settle right when Derek puts his hand on my stomach!
3. I don't think people can tell I'm pregnant unless they know that I'm pregnant.  People don't wanna say "wow you've gained weight" or assume that an overweight person is in fact pregnant so I don't take offense.
4. I have been feeling a lot of pressure since about 20 weeks or so. It's been quite painful and makes it hard to walk or sit or get up on the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
5. Don't get me started on the bathroom visits! It seems I get up on average 3-5 times a night. And at work I am stuck behind my desk so much that by the time I finally am able to get up I feel like I have to go so badly that my bladder is going to explode.
6. The baby room never seems to be where I am ready to put a baby in it! I finally got it clean and then we had our baby shower and not that I'm complaining about the shower but I just need to put things away and find room for things all over again.  Good problem!
7. Derek has been amazing! He has been rubbing my feet and back and very understanding and supportive of my mood shifts.  I know I haven't been myself and get cranky often...  but he's been amazing!
8. We are still excited and nervous about being parents!  We have 5 weeks left so he'll be here soon!  We can't wait to see him but know life as we know it will never be the same!
.... I'm sure there are many more things I could list but what it comes down to is that we are so excited that our Heavenly Father has given us the opportunity to be parents and share our talents and passion with a choice spirit.  I pray daily that he will be healthy and not have complications.  I know that would be really hard on both of us. I don't want to stress about all the things that could go wrong... I just want him to be happy and healthy!