New Year

Well... This year has not started off on the best of notes, but sadly it is off to a better start than last year!  Last year Derek didn't have a job as of January 1.  He had a contract job with the church and the job ended on the last day of the year... What a way to ring in 2014.  

This year on the last day of the year we had a pipe freeze in the bathroom.  It ended up causing damage in the bedroom and bathroom and we are having the ceiling replaced tomorrow.  

Derek is working another contract job but they extended his contract so luckily he has 3 more months of work ... Sadly he has 3 more months of work... But we will get through it... We always do... Even if it is at the expense of something else...

2014 was not a horrible year.  Every year with Gunner in our lives and family having and announcing babies is a good year!   We have had a good year considering family and the togetherness of our family.  

Looking forward... I have no idea what 2015 holds but I hope we have happiness and success.

As a New Year resolution this year I want to commit to being a better me.  I want to work on reading my scriptures every night, family prayer, and teaching Gunner the importance of praying to our Heavrnly Father and start him in the right direction of being spiritually strong.  My one wish for him is that he grows up strong spiritually and mentally.  That he is able to be a leader and have more faith than I do.  I hope Gunner knows how much his dad and I love him.  I hope that one day he will forgive us of our shortcomings and forgive us for being "new parents".  I fear with the first born it seems there is a lot of trial and error and sadly more error... 

I hope in 2015 Derek and I can make choices and decisions that will help our family grow in more ways than one,  We would love for Gunner to have a sibling and hope that this is the year for growth.  We hope that we will make smart decisions about our finances and hopefully move in a better direction.

.... Here's to hoping! 

Been a While...

I'm obviously not very good at keeping up with this blog... Or any journal for that matter. 

So let me see if I can do a recap seeing as the year is nearly over...

January... Nope, can't remember. 

February ... Nope... Nothing coming to mind...but I found some pictures from a park day in February! 

March... Derek got a job! ..... Nope! They let him go, apparently he asked too many questions... Stupid people... He was new, of course he was going to ask questions. Gunner is getting so big! Little personality is definitely showing through! He is a great "cheese"er! Love this little dude so much!!

April .... Derek and I celebrated 10 years of marriage.  We still haven't had a chance to really do anything or celebrate like I had wanted but the fact that we made it to 10 years is celebration enough! Gunner has his first sit down with the Easter Bunny! He does not know what to think! McKenna didn't know what to think either! These kiddos arer so stinking cute! He enjoyed doing the Easter egg hunts and didn't realize there was candy in them which was a bonus for me! I didn't want him getting that much candy! Here are some pictures!

 

May ..... Derek gets a contract job! Contracts typically have an end but we will focus on the the fact that he has a job!

June/July ... School graduation!  

Mom came out at the end of June and first of July! We went hiking, went to the Stadium of Fire. Carrie Underwood performed - it was fabulous! Didn't care for the crowds but it was very fun!  Mom helped me work on my yard and put shutters on my house! Crazy how such a little thing like shutters makes such a big difference.  Gunner loved spending time with "Nanny"! He learned a new word, "mine" which he uses quite regularly. He played 1, 2, 3 Go with granny running from one end of the house to the other! 

Shalyn and Jaren came to visit and Gunner had fun playing with Jaren and McKenna! We also went to the park and Gunner played at the splash pad! 

My friend bought us season passes to Seven Peaks and we went a couple of times but Gunner was not a fan. He does not like wearing his life jacket but I don't feel comfortable with him not wearing it so... I guess we will try this summer... He will be older and who knows! Maybe he will love it!

August .... Dad and Darie came out for Brace and Jordan's graduation! We had a great party at which they announced they are expecting in February! So excited for them!  Tracie and Nate also made an announcement of their own! They too are expecting and due around the same time!! I am so excited that our family is growing!  Gunner loved spending time with Grandude and Grandma Darie! 

September ... Back to work... Gunner had a doozie of a time going to new baby sitters until the school daycare was open. We finally found a great young lady to watch him! He loved Abby! Here is a picture of Gunner's "first day of school" 

 Baby Mattie was born! My cousins Landon and Kristi welcomed daughter number 2! 

October... Brina and Melissa got married and I got to sign the marriage certificate!

Gunner and I went to Thanksgiving Pointe with the Garrard family! Gunner had lots of fun! 

They had several small wood playgyms with slides and Gunner was in heaven! He loves sliding! He even went down a really long/tall slide with Uncle Nate! He did look a little scared but it was REALLY tall! 

Gunner was Elmo for halloween and won the costume contest at our church trunk-or-treat! He makes one dang cute Elmo!! (Oh yes, he knows he's cute!!)

November.... Well current day... Gunner is talking more and more, mocking, and even telling me to "shhhh"!  We bought a potty for him a couple of months ago and he is finally getting interested in what to do with it and has been sitting on it... Not doing anything yet but my plan is to work on that this summer! I can't believe how fast they grow up!  It's both sad and exciting!! I absolutely love being a mom. He is the part of me that I always wanted to be.  

I am sure I missed something so if you're reading this and feel I left something out please feel free to comment below!! 

Heavy heart

As I sit here tonight my heart is heavy as if have a lot weighing on my mind.  It seems my roller coaster of a life is on the exciting yet downward spiral.  Life as a mother is wonderful! I worry I could be a better mom... More in tune to my baby's needs and how I can best help him grow and develop.  I fear I am doing him a disservice by not being the best mom ... Or the mom he needs. 

It seems Derek's employment will be one of those "challenges" of my life.  He was laid off of a really good job in May of last year.  It was a very difficult time for our family as we had a new baby and plans to travel to Georgia in a month.  We were able to make our trip, enjoy family and come back to hopefully finding a job.  In late October Derek was offered a contract job with the LDS Church but it was short lived and not renewed for the New Year.  Now it's back to applying for jobs and praying that our Father in Heaven will have our best interest at heart and lead us to a great opportunity that will help our family.  I know that Derek is working on finding a job and I pray that our prayers will be answered as quickly as possible.  

With the new year I have high hopes that our little family will have many successes.  Derek and I have decided to sit down and for the first time in 10 Years work on our budget together! I have always done things by myself and it has been a huge stress for me.  I am excited to begin a new year with a new budget and outlook on our finances.  

I'm not really one to make new year resolutions because I never seem to follow through so I am just going to stick to one principle... To become a better me.  I want to become a better wife, a better mom, a more financially secure ...or stable person, and to start to save money so Derek and I can hopefully work on buying our "upgrade home" ... In a couple of years!  Of course... A lot of this is riding on how the next months pan out.  So please keep us in your prayers that Derek will find a job soon and we will be able to get on the road to financial security.  

First family Photo shoot!

This July we took a family road trip and drove to Georgia! Gunner was fabulous and slept most of the car ride!  We had a great time visiting family and I even got to sing at Christian's baptism!  A huge thanks to Katie for jumping in to sing with me last minute! It wouldn't have been the same without her!  Of course poor Adam broke his foot, we started a fire, and Gunner got to pet a horse all in the same trip!  I miss my Georgia family but I'm finding Utah is slowly becoming "home"... 

Ugh... Not sure how I feel about that statement... Anyway!!!

A big thanks to my sister Christy Stowe for taking some pictures of us during our visit to Georgia this summer! These pictures also double as Gunners 7 month pictures!! 

Gunner's first photo shoot!

Thanks to Gunner's aunt Ruth we have some cute pictures of our little guy! These pictures were taken on January 5th so Gunner was 1 month 4 days old.

Saying goodbye to 2012

2012 has been a pretty good year for my family!
Jennifer and Tom (well end of 2011), Heather and Shane, Tracie and Nate and Brace and Jordan were all sealed together for eternity to their spouses.
Kristi and Landon Welcomed McKenna, Ruth and Cale welcomed Alice, Shalyn and Josh welcomed Jaren and Derek and I welcomed Gunner!

My sisters Heather and her family and Jennifer and her family were able to come visit! This year has been great with regards to family traveling! In fact - I was able to see them multiple times due to weddings and births and it was GREAT! I hope they come visit more often! I know Gunner will love being able to see his Georgia family as much as I will!

Gunner is one month old today and he has completely changed our lives. He is such a sweet and adorable baby - Derek and I feel very blessed.
Of course, I wish he would sleep a little longer at night but he's only a month I can't complain! Derek and I are enjoying every moment with him but look forward to the times when he can communicate with us and sleep through the night!

2012 was definitely an interesting year as I spent the majority of it being pregnant and going through the range of emotions that brings. I learned what it feels like to be pregnant and what a blessing and miracle it is to have a life growing inside you. I look at Gunner and think... THAT is what was growing and kicking around and it's SO WEIRD! Do Derek and I want another baby? OF COURSE we would love for Gunner to have at least one sibling to grow up with... but don't expect anything for 2013!

Looking forward to 2013 I can't predict the future but I see a completely different year than any Derek and I have experienced. Gunner is now the center of our lives and everything we do will likely revolve around him. Do I have anything planned for 2013? Well - We are planning a trip back to Georgia this summer! I can't wait to see everyone again! ... other than that we are living one day at a time and enjoying every minute with our new little guy!
We took some pictures of Gunner today to celebrate his one month date and New Years - this is not the best - but shows he is not a fan of taking pictures!

Emotional...

I have had an interesting past couple of weeks. Having Gunner has been the absolute best thing that has happened in my life without a doubt. I have been thinking how amazing it is that this little spirit has chosen me and Derek as his parents. Gunner is just a precious little guy and I feel so lucky to be his mom. I know Derek feels the same way. It is so awesome seeing Derek interact with Gunner. I am seeing a whole new side of Derek... a more gentle and sweetness... a loving father. I hope that Gunner sees how much Derek and I love him and that he will always know that we are here for him 100%.
My mom has been with us for the past 2 weeks and oh what a blessing and joy it was to have her here! Mom - know that Derek and I LOVE you SOOOOOO much and that you are truly a messenger and angel of heaven here on Earth. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love and respect you. I have never known what it is like to be a "mom" and now that I do I know all the heart ache and joy you must have felt as we were growing up and taking you on a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. I PRAY I was a good enough child that I don't have any karma headed my way!
Flood Gates...
I don't think I've ever cried so much... well in a long time! I think I was warned about the flood of emotions and hormones getting back where they belong or something like that but honestly people... no one could have prepared me for THIS. I don't seem to need a reason to cry or a purpose... or an answer as to why - it just seems to happen. I have had very strong feelings of inadequacy that I can't seem to shake. I can't really describe it other than I just feel like Gunner is my responsibility, he's depending on me and to think as a spirit held for the last days he must be a very strong and valiant angel of heaven. And now...it is up to me to make sure he is raised with faith, determination, self confidence, and all the positive attributes Derek and I could possibly have to offer... It is overwhelming to know that Derek and I are all he has and I just have this rushing of emotions.
I have also had some interesting thoughts and feelings about the whole cesarean process that I want to share...
I was as I'm sure you could tell by my earlier post - a bit worried about having the c-section; however, I don't think things were as bad as I was warned about. I may have been lucky (I know I was blessed! - Thank you Derek!!!) but so far my healing process has been very "text book". I still have pain in my abdomen but my incision has healed quite nicely and did not open or start oozing (Yuck!). I don't think I was prepared for the ( OK... SKIP DOWN TO "SAFE" IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR SOME VERY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES) vaginal bleeding. I don't know - I mean I know no one really goes around talking about "this stuff" but seriously - I guess I thought I'm not having a vaginal birth - they will "suck everything out"... no one ever said - oh no - you'll have bleeding for several WEEKS after giving birth regardless of if it's vaginal or cesarean. I mean isn't that enough to make a woman have postpartum depression all in itself?! I also think it's interesting that the doctor and anesthesiologist were so concerned with my weight. I mean yes - I'm over weight and YES I want to lose weight before we have another baby but seriously - if I don't lose weight I'm not going to NOT have another baby if that's what Derek and I feel is what we're supposed to do... or if it happens... I don't know - I'm thinking 2 years till we have another I want Gunner to have at least one sibling but we had such a hard time having him I worry that maybe we shouldn't worry about the timeline and let it happen... I don't know - I am NOT in a state of mind right now to even THINK about having another. ANYWAY... it irritated me and I think it had a little to do with my blood pressure spike before delivery - but I did NOT appreciate the anesthesiologist's mind set one bit... I mean seriously - this woman who was older and didn't seem like I was her first patient... but she acted as though she'd never worked with a plus size mom... You can't seriously tell me that I'm the ONLY or FIRST plus size person she's worked with... Needless to say I was a bit taken back by her... "bedside manner". And NO - I'm not looking for "oh, I'm sorry that happened" or sympathy in any way - just an observation.
OK.... I'm done with my rant...

******SAFE******

The emotional state of having a baby has got to be one of the things that prepares us for something later... I just can't quite put my finger on it at the moment...
It's something I'll have to ponder... I'm a pretty deep thinker on my better days so maybe it will come to me when my head clears!
For now - I just pray that as Gunner is getting over his bout with Thrush he is able to sleep a little more comfortably... and longer would be nice! I know it's been hard for him to sleep and I'm sure he can't be feeling well. I mean HOLY COW the one time I had a yeast infection I thought I was going to DIE!! I can only imagine how this little baby must be feeling... I just hope it's not nearly as painful as mine was. I read that for babies sometimes it's painful and sometimes they don't even act like they have something wrong. For the first little while Gunner wasn't crying or fussy and we weren't even sure if it was Thrush but now the poor little guy will stick his tongue out when he cries or when he's a little fussy and I know it's bothering him. I picked up meds today and he's had two doses so far and when I looked at his mouth earlier it's already looking better. I hope it helps with his sleeping and makes him feel better. Heaven knows I could sure use the sleep! I know he can too!
Christmas is coming soon and we had hopes of getting Gunner's picture taken and sending out christmas cards but it's not really been a top priority! I hope everyone will forgive us - although we've never been good at sending out Christmas cards so nothing new right?!
Well it looks like Gunner is waking from his nap - gotta go! I will definitely give him a hug and kiss for everyone! Love you all!